Today's Empowering Belief
“Check yourself before you wreck yourself” - Ice Cube
Hey Champion,
The power of alignment with yourself is a force nobody can penetrate. It creates the reassurance, level of control, and manoeuvrability you need.
If you haven't already checked out a previous newsletter, 'Challenge Everything For The Truth', how presupposition can get the best of us. Today's read is a great follow-on; check it out.
I am sharing with you today a conversation that struck me and assured me of the actual problem we all face. In my opinion, the person I was trying to understand hadn't got clarification of themselves in the ways many are still unwilling to do today. I believe the lack of clarity cost them a sale and, secondly, the opportunity to build the right relationship.
There was a lack of congruency between the conversation and their actions. I want to build this understanding with you and that my aim here is not to throw stones at anyone but create source material to better ourselves. Follow me as we flow through this conversation.
The Entry
Points To Note
"Your content is valuable, got lost scrolling..." - Creates immediate recognition.
"Especially me a few years ago..." - Lowering my guard through common experiences.
"If more people knew of you..." - Compliment that matches his core business skills, marketing.
"I helped hit a 1.1k increase in views and a large flow of new customers using our growth strategy..." - Enticement raises my curiosity.
Unlike the usual ones, this entry into the DM was different. I've never met this person; I had no previous history to reference, they didn’t even any engagement on the post they mentioned, which was real. At this point, I was merely curious to understand him more; perhaps I could add value to him. I further tried to clarify what was said and asked him what he was seeking during that time a few years ago.
Guards up
Points To Note
"feeling purposeless..." - BUZZWORD/ A heavy word to use in first instance.
"very toxic thing for a man.." - The first indication of what triggers him.
"learning more about mindsets..." - A signal to what I do, creates familiarity.
"like I said, feeling purposeless..." - Repetition creates emphasis.
"I like to help mindset coaches..." - Direct call to why he is here.
I was curious to understand their purpose. What triggering them? Why speak to me?
The person that leads the question is generally in control.
He gets his guard up and begins to ask me a question. I do not feel we have made any authentic connections yet with what he tells me about himself. Notice how their purpose is generic, something everyone wants; I wasn't convinced.
They jumps in again and asks me the same question.
Deeper? Not So Deep
Points To Note
"ultimate goal (Freedom)..." - I'm glad the goal was more significant than material objects; perhaps it connects to the mention of 'toxicity' above.
"I am now in control over my life and a sense of control..." - They have already fulfilled their goal then? Unclear what freedom means at this point 🤔
"be financially free..." - We all have this desire.
"provide for my family..." - A common desire.
"grow into the man I want 10, 20 years..." - Why can't they be that now? We don't chase an identity; we become it.
So I began to answer the question, my initial reaction was to go deeper, but I held back and gave just enough to get why I started coaching. I matched their approach and returned my question at the end. Notice how the response to my question looks pretty generic.
[Note] When we listen to the outside world too much, we begin to sound like them and do what they do. [/End Note]
I still don't know this person.
Lack Of Clarity
Points To Note
"I think you're missing the point..." - I was? I was trying to understand them better.
"I feel they are looked down upon nowadays..." - How did they conclude this, through discovery of purpose? Do they feel looked down upon [Insight]
"...then you help others; this is the purpose, true or not?" - A presupposition that I agree already; it's rhetorical.
We have to get clear on our definitions. Speaking in generalities does no good for either person. 'Freedom' is vague. I asked how such a business in marketing contributed to that of being free. There is no connection between what they do and the purpose and where that purpose is taking them.
Something's Being Triggered
Points To Note
"Get myself on to a level I can help them..." - Why is this not the focus? Perhaps it's not fuelling enough to be?
"I have value that could help your business grow..." - Not once is there a question on my business yet; how do they know what will be beneficial.
"to see if you are the right person..." - Without a diagnosis?
"open to all of it, and I'm here to learn.." - Great attitude, be open and curious.
It's important to understand that if we aren't leading ourselves with the proper directives, we end up wasting not only our time, but other's too. We read 'men being looked down upon' three times... Am I the type of audience they seek? Would a charity serving men's health be better time spent? I reassure him.
Incongruence
Points To Note
"I do truly believe that there is no greater purpose than to help others..." - Contradicts own purpose, which was self-inclined
"I wanted to change the narrative and help myself..." - Will there ever be an end to helping ourselves? Perhaps not.
"I still have mountains to climb before doing so.." - Honesty is the first part of the transformation.
When we are unclear, we begin to make mistakes in how we communicate, what we say, how we come across, also what actions we take. Statements like "I know who to reach out to..." is meaningless when they've told me they want to develop themselves. I asked why wait till you get lost?
Lessons to apply today
Never get too excited about compliments; hold your composure. You don't need validation.
Be curious, learn more about them, and understand who they are.
Your purpose enables you to be purposeful. So what you choose to do in life should bring out the best in you. Do you feel purposeful right now?
When unclear on something, ask more questions.
Be honest with yourself; change happens when we do.
Do what you say and say what you do.
Dangling the societal carrot that many get triggered by is why many people feel lost; money, metrics, viewers, high-paying clients etc. All important, however, those who are self-aware, connected and convicted in their path do not easily fall prey to this type of engagement.
A lack of clarity can affect your decision-making, alter your communication and dialogue, create uninspiring relationships, and ultimately sabotage your ability to lead yourself. That, for me, is frustrating.
What's the flip side to that, then? Imagine being completely aware of who you are and knowing what you're here to do. To be knowingly in the right place at the right time, speaking meaningfully with people that share your ideas and vision.
I believe it is an effective strategy in today's misguided world.
Here are three questions I want you to ponder:
What do I find fulfilment in that I'm willing to do it for free for the rest of my life?
What triggers me the most that I spring into action without thinking when the situation arises?
Am I willing to comprise what others see value in and what I believe is fantastic in my life to have something more?
Until next time Champions, stay connected.
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